|
Welcome to our Adult Sex Jokes and Related Satire!
Free Personals - Nude Picture Galleries - Dating Tips
Category = Dirty Jokes - Adult Humor - Meeting Women
Meet a Woman with our Free Contact Personals!
Your Online "What Makes a Chick Tick" Information Center
HOW TO SAY "I LOVE YOU" IN DIFFERENT LANGUAGES:
How to say "I Love You" in English -- Um, I Love you?
How to say "I Love You" in Spanish -- Te Amo -- Now get me an El Taco!
How to say "I Love You" in French -- Je T'aime -- Are you ever going to shave that?
How to say "I Love You" in German -- Ich Liebe Dich -- Not to be confused with "See my little dick"
How to say "I Love You" in Japanese -- Ai Shite Imasu -- I Shite you not!
How to say "I Love You" in Italian -- Ti Amo -- Just like Spanish, 'cept switch "Taco" with "Pizza"
How to say "I Love You" in Chinese -- Wo Ai Ni -- Also known to work: "Me Love You Long Time"
How to say "I Love You" in Swedish -- Jag Alskar -- AKA "Make money with video production!"
How to say "I Love You" if you find yourself in; Alabama, Arkansas, North Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Texas,
Mississippi, North Carolina or Kentucky. . . . . . . . Nice Tits Cuz!
How to Speak About Women and Be Politically Correct
1. She is not a Babe or a Chick - She is a Breasted American.
2. She is not a Screamer or Moaner - She is Vocally Appreciative.
3. She is not Easy - She is Horizontally Accessible.
4. She does not Tease or Flirt - She engages in Artificial Stimulation.
5. She is not Dumb - She is a Detour Off The Information Superhighway.
6. She has not Been Around - She is a Previously Enjoyed Companion.
7. She does not Get You Excited - She causes Temporary Blood Displacement.
8. She is not Kinky - She is a Creative Caretaker.
9. She does not have a Killer Body - She is Terminally Attactive.
10. She is not an Airhead - She is Reality Impaired.
11. She does not get Drunk or Tipsy - She gets Chemically Inconvenienced.
12. She is not Horny - She is Sexually Focused.
13. She does not have Breast Implants - She is Medically Enhanced.
14. She does not Nag You - She becomes Verbally Repetitive.
15. She is not a Slut - She is Sexually Extroverted.
16. She does not have Major League Hooters - She is Pectorally Superior.
17. She is not a Two Bit Whore - She is a Low Cost Provider.
Understanding the Moods of a Woman
Women are angels of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in range, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk;
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.
Compared to the Moods of a Man
Um, Horny.
It's All About Reading Emotions
Her side of the story?
My husband was in an odd mood Saturday night. We planned to meet at a cafe for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised but he didn't say anything about it. I don't remember doing anything to make him upset, but I could tell there was something wrong.
The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off to someplace intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I was getting really worried, what did I do? What was bothering him? Was he mad at me?
I tried to cheer him up, but started to wonder what was bothering him. Was it me or something else? I asked him if he was upset with me, he said no. But I wasn't really sure. In the car on the way back home, I said that I loved him deeply and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the heck that meant because, you know, he didn't say it back or anything. We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to leave me! So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the TV.
Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to bed. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and to my surprise, we made love. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I wanted to confront him but didn't, so I just cried myself to sleep. I just don't know what to do anymore. I mean, I really think he's seeing someone else.
His side of the story:
Played quite bad today --- shot 97 - - -can't putt for shit! Felt kind of tired.
Got laid though. Time for a nap.
Smart Ass Chicks with Contractable Diseases
A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a well known Dallas gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at the woman and all of his professionalism goes out the window. He immediately asks her to undress. After she has disrobed, the doctor begins stroking her thigh.
"Do you know what I’m doing?" he asks.
"Yes," she replies. "You’re checking for any abrasions or abnormalities."
"That’s right," says the doctor. Emboldened, he then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I’m doing now?"
"You’re checking for any lumps or breast cancer," she replies.
"Correct," says the doctor. Deciding to go for broke, he mounts her and begins having sex with her. "Do you know what I’m doing now?"
"Yes," she says. "You’re getting herpes and genital warts—which is why I came here in the first place."
Meet Beautiful Ladies with Free Photo Personals
that really work!!
Being Single Sucks! We've researched and reviewed over 50 of the largest, most reputable and popular online
dating and matchmaking sites that will cure your single
days and lonely night blues. With a little forethought, and
reading through our internet dating tips you could be
with the love of your life in a week or two! You can find the
adults only dating services Right
Here!. We also suggest placing your free "kick ass
attention grabber" personal ad with all the large conventional
dating sites as well. If done correctly, you'll be amazed
at how many responses you'll get! I don't care where you live,
or what you look like, there is someone out there waiting, and
yearning just for you. With the advent of the Internet,
there's just no excuse to be single any more!
Naked Women Big Boobs - we're talking huge boobies here!
Humorous satire page featuring sites and
pictures of hotties with the largest boobs in the milky way
galaxy!
Can You Handle A Sexually Aggressive Woman?
Men are used to being the ones that have to initiate everything in a relationship, from making first contact to taking the lead sexually. But now we have some new rules that are coming into play that are turning the game upside down.
We are constantly bombarded by images and personalities in the media that involve sexually assertive behavior by females. Women are quickly picking up on the message that being sexually aggressive does not make them a tramp. A Search of an Internet dating site will prove it.
A lot of guys find it very strange and intimidating when they find the table's turned, even when they have been fantasizing about the scenario for years. Here are a few suggestions to make a relationship with a wild woman go a little smoother:
Understand That She Wants It All
Some men actually don't believe that there are women out there that have the same appetite for sex. It's a sad commentary on the way that our culture has progressed. Men have had it all for so long that it's hard for a woman to get them to believe that they want it all too. Yes, there are many women out there that fantasize about having sex with as many hot guys as possible and preferably with more than one stud at the same time. The sexes are not so different and yes, it is a big deal when she doesn't have an orgasm too.
Perhaps the greatest difference between men and women pleasure-wise is simply that most women do not have an orgasm from penetration, they prefer clitoral stimulation for orgasm and oral sex is #1 on their priority list. If you want to make her happy, you better make sure your tongue is in good shape.
To Masturbate is Great!
Believe it or not, for the most part masturbation is not about replacing sex. It's a precursor, it builds up sexual tension- it doesn't relieve it. It's an old dating trick to masturbate a couple of hours before sex to ensure that when you have intercourse you can last longer. It works. Coming in 5 minutes and requiring recuperation time will definitely turn off an aggressive woman. You're going to need staying power.
Communication Is More Critical Than Ever
Make sure you talk to her, ask her what she likes, what she wants to do next, and find out what she likes best. You don't have to be barking out orders like a general (unless she wants you to), and you don't have to be groveling at her feet (again, unless she wants you to), but you are in for an entirely better sexual experience if you share with each other what you like and don't like. Every woman is different and asking is the best and easiest way to find out. Don't be shy at all when it comes to asking about boundaries, a lot of women will surprise you. They want a wild time as much as you do. As well, (and probably most importantly) asking is also the most efficient method of finding out what they don't like.
Buy Some Toys
Some women are hard to please, it's a fact. There are some insatiable babes out there that will get you to fuck them so long and hard that your dick will feel like it's been slammed in a door a few hundred times and then they'll still want more. It's for these women that vibrators were invented. Get big ones, small ones, ribbed ones, double, etc. Try all kinds. If she's really wild she'll love them all and it will save you some effort and increase the intensity of every session.
Learn From The Best
When you do find a woman that is very sexually aggressive, use some of the strategies that women have used on aggressive men for centuries to heighten their sexual arousal. Think of all the things that some of your old girlfriends used to do that made you crazy and try them on your new lover. The old standbys are always good, some of them are hard to explain, but most people know what we mean.
Here's a list:
- Be mysterious- only answer questions with indirect answers.
- Play hard to get- but not too hard.
- Use any excuse to touch her, without asking.
- Stare at her when she's not looking, when she looks, look away. (Not the creepy stare but the flirty stare)
- Make her beg for it, then when she's in bed, start begging her to do things for you.
- Always be ready for sex, and always look your best.
If you've tried all the above advice and she's still not satisfied, don't worry about it. Some women are impossible to tame, especially the ones that have gone online to find some willing boy toys ;-) Just remember to have fun and to give her all you've got.
When Housewives Get Bored
This guy in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.
"No thank you," she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."
"That must be rather difficult," the man replied.
"Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset."
Personality Test
This quiz uncovers your fundamental personality
type and gives you insight on how to better relate to others and
improve your love life! |
Purity Level Test
Find out how pure or wild you really are! This
test will be able to compare you with thousands of others. Find out
how you compare. |
Self Esteem Test
There are many ingredients of sex appeal. Some
of them are beyond your control, in the mind and chemistry of your
prospective mate. |
What's your I.Q.?
Discover and Compare Your IQ. There is no
penalty for a wrong answer so go ahead and make your best guess if
you are unsure. |
Why Have Sex Alone?
Check Out The
Largest
Free Membership Personals
Site On The
Internet
It's Easy, It's Free, And It
Works!
|
