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Category = Adult Humor - Funny Articles - Sex Jokes

Funny One Liners to Impress your Loser Friends!
Your Online Resource for One Liner Reference Research

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it!

What's the best thing about Alzheimer's disease?
You get to meet new people every day!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They've got boyfriends already.

What is the similarity between a woman and laxative?
They both irritate the shit out of you!

What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

Why is the space between a girl's tits and hips called the waist?
Because you could put another pair of tits in there!

Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backwards?
They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.

Why are electric trains like a mother's breasts?
They were both designed for the kids, but it's the fathers who are always playing with them.

Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.

Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.

What's the medical term for a female-to-male sex change operation?
Strapadictomy.

How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
The best ones squirt when you eat them.

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito quits sucking when you smack it.

How do you tell if a chick's too fat to fuck?
When you pull her pants down and her ass is still in them.

What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!

Why is it so hard for women to take a piss in the morning?
Did you ever try to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

How do we know God is a man?
Because if God were a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate!

Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
They don't have balls to scratch.

What is the definition of making love?
Something a woman does while a guy is boning her.

What do rednecks do for Halloween?
Pump kin!

Why do men like blowjobs?
It's the only time they get something into a woman's head straight!

What's the biggest problem for an atheist?
No-one to talk to during an orgasm! (Oh, God!)

What's worse than a cardboard box?
Paper tits!

What is 60 foot long and stinks of piss?
A conga line in an old folks home!

What's the best thing about a blow job?
Five minutes of peace and quiet.

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and JFK?
One got his head blown off and the other was assassinated.

Two condoms walk past a gay bar. One of them says to
the other, "Hey, whaddya say we go in there & get shit-faced?"

Personality Test This quiz uncovers your fundamental personality type and gives you insight on how to better relate to others and improve your love life!

Purity Level Test Find out how pure or wild you really are! This test will be able to compare you with thousands of others. Find out how you compare.

Self Esteem Test There are many ingredients of sex appeal. Some of them are beyond your control, in the mind and chemistry of your prospective mate.

What's your I.Q.? Discover and Compare Your IQ. There is no penalty for a wrong answer so go ahead and make your best guess if you are unsure.

Rather tacky one liner quips

1) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother.

2) How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.

3) What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.

4) What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off? Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

5) What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

6) What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

7) What is the biggest problem for an atheist? No one to talk to during orgasm.

8) What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass? A mechanic.

9) Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

10) Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony? She is the one who can eat the last donut.

11) Jewish dilemma: Free PORK.

12) The three words most hated by men during sex: "Are you in?"

13) The three words women hate to hear when having sex: "Honey, I'm home!"

14) Why do men take showers instead of baths? Pissing in the bath is disgusting.

15) Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off, you wonder where her tits went.

50 dating sites to meet a woman and get yourself laid!

Naked Women Big Boobs - we're talking huge boobies here!
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Top Ten Signs You're Already Having a Bad Year

10. That "coke" you sniffed at the New Year's party was anthrax.

9. You've already been served a summons relating to that same party.

8. You've already spent 70 hours in a dark room by yourself watching Law & Order reruns on your Tivo.

7. One word… Raelians.

6. The IRS has already sent Agent Smith from The Matrix to warn you about tax time.

5. You're so bored you've already started buying next year's holiday gifts.

4. Your Christmas tree has already become more flammable than charcoal fluid.

3. Your subscription to Maxim just expired… right before the Christina Aguilera issue.

2. The gun you just put in your mouth was really just a cigarette lighter and it burned your uvula.

1. You've just read your first Top Ten list… and it's not even awards season!

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